Parents who establish high standards and subsequently enforce those high standards are not necessarily controlling... Children react favorably to parents who hold children accountable for lapses in behavior or failure to uphold expectations. However, when parents resort to controlling behavior in their attempts to hold children to standards--when they offer bribes, rewards, excessive monitoring, or pressure--this corrodes a child's sense of autonomy and therefore his intrinsic motivation.
I appreciate how Jessica Lahey delineates having high standards from being controlling. In her book, The Gift of Failure: How the Best Parents Learn to Let Go So Their Children Can Succeed, this former teacher shares what she observations of her students, their parents, and her own parenting.
While we’re making distinctions, I will add that having high standards is different from having unreasonable standards. The former can be associated with continuous improvement while the latter can lead to perfectionism.
I started this project a while ago. I wanted to use some Rayon yarn that I had purchased while traveling to the Czech Republic. And, I wanted to try a knitting technique that requires two circular needles.
The yarn is too slippery and it turned into a tangled mess. I’m going to have to rip it out, or as knitters say, “frog it” (rip-it, rip-it…get it?)
Ah, the gift of failure!
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